ORDINARY?

What if I tell you that I will use every ounce in me to sing off-key, make my rhythmically challenged body sway in the rain and crack lame puns that would make your eyes roll

What if I tell you that my poetry has flaws, my drawings ugly and my music taste disdained by every mortal that has crossed my path

What if I tell you that I make jokes that only I laugh at, I secretly hope that the meetup plans fail and watch only the kind of artistic movies nobody else bothers to watch

What if I tell you that my face has 54 stitches from being too clumsy when I was 5, my wrist, 4 cuts from an age-old depression and weird glasses that make me look like a demented owl

What if I tell you that I have anxiety, the kind of sleepless nights that just makes me stare into the void, thinking about unspeakable things

What if I tell you that I have never had the allure to have a dozen lovers, the kind of seductive eyes to be a fantasy and have never looked in the mirror without a frown

What if I tell you that I have been called cringy far too many times to care, that I have been called ugly and I still don’t care

What if I tell you that I revel in being ordinary and because I know that to every flaw that I have there is something more flawless about me

What if I tell you that I am not sorry and that apologies don’t sit well on my tongue and I love being me

What if I tell you that I am happy right now, wearing my sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt and maybe, just maybe, that’s where I want to be…

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How often do you love someone?♥️

♥️HOW OFTEN DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE…♥️
when you’re not lonely?
Do you sit down with them,
hold their hand,
grip it tight,
and tell them
It’s okay,
it’s going to be okay.
with a smile?
Even when inside you,
there is a raging heart,
exploding to move out
from the dark,
open eyes to the light,
sing happy songs
and dance?
🤔Do you love them
like your daily morning tea?🤔
🤔Do you love them
like your necessity🤔
to read before it’s dark?
Or is it only when you watch
people walking hand in hand,
is it only when you feel love
blooming around you,
that you fall in love with someone,
someone who was nothing yesterday,
but suddenly means a lot?

What I wish to ask is,
♥️HOW OFTEN DO YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LONELY?♥️
When you do not feel the necessity
to have someone by your side.
When you do not wish to have the pleasure
to walk while holding hands.
Do you ever come out
full of yourself,
singing happy songs and dancing?
Then lay your eyes on someone
full of themselves,
singing songs they like and dancing.
Do you fall in love at that moment,
away from all your wants,
away from all your loneliness,
like out of all that you are,
no matter how sufficient you are,
you still need them,
you still want to love them,
always?

Yes I’m a DIRECTIONER ♥️

Dear One Direction,

It’s almost on a daily basis that I see people raising their eyebrows or laughing every time I say that I’m a fan of One Direction. But what people don’t understand is that you’re not “just another boy band.” You’re much more.

I remember when you were all the rage and teenage girls around me talked of nothing but how good looking all the boys were. I didn’t pay much attention – I had other things in mind. But one day I heard The Story Of My Life and that song struck an intense cord with me.

I started listening to more and more songs and instantly, I fell in love. I downloaded as many videos of your concerts as possible and laughing over how silly you all were. The girl who once couldn’t differentiate between the band members now knew everything about them. Niall taught me that it’s good to be different, Louis taught me to never be in a hurry to grow up( which by the way is my crush forever ❤️), Liam taught me that real strength lies in your own vulnerability, Harry taught me to treat people with kindness and Zayn taught me that it’s important to love yourself.

I never could attend a concert, because you never came to India. But that didn’t stop me from looking at videos of concerts you performed in different countries, singing along to all the songs, laughing at your jokes, crying when it ended. I stayed when Zayn left, I stayed when your band broke up I stayed to support your solo careers in the hope that you’d get back again.

So even now, when someone scoffs at me for being a fan of One Direction, I urge them to listen to your songs. To not see you as just a group of good-looking boys but as human beings with insecurities of their own. To be lost in your words, just as I always am. To think different, because you brought me immense happiness and positivity.

Love, a Directioner ♥️

What will I do then?

In love we sin.

We break each other into pieces
and we carry those pieces along
with us even after we leave.

Like a picture ripped in two,
my half was taken by you,
and your half was taken by me.

And then we started searching
other people to repeat the cycle.

Sometimes this thought scares me off;
What if one day I lose myself
entirely,

What if one day I am left with
nothing to offer, but pieces of
different people that just won’t fix
in places to make me whole.
That just won’t fix together to reflect what I looked like in the mirror?

What will I do then?

The Flood Overflowed Me!

 

I was in my own room as usual- just myself, without obvious change: nothing had smitten me or interested me or caught my eyes. And yet where was the “She” of yesterday? Where was her life? Where were her prospects?
She who had been a normal girl- just a teenager- was a cold, solitary girl again: her life was pale; her prospects were desolate. It’s like a butterfly lost its wings; a tiger lost its teeth and claws; it was all like broken pieces of glass. My hopes were all dead- struck with a subtle doom, such as, in one night everything has fallen apart. I looked on my cherished wishes, yesterday so blooming and glowing; they lay still, chill, like corpses that could never revive…
I looked at my love: that feeling which was his- which he had created; it shivered in my heart, like a suffering child in a cold cradle; sickness and anguish had seized it, it could not seek his love- it could not derive warmth from his presence. Oh, never more could it turn to him; for faith was blighted- confidence destroyed!!!
He was not to me what he had been; for he was not what I thought of him. I would not look down upon him; I would not say he had betrayed me; but the attribute of stainless truth was gone from his idea and from his presence I must go: that I perceived well.
Real affection, it seemed, he could not have for me; it had been only a fitful passion: that was balled; he would want me no more. I should fear even to cross his path now: my views must be hateful to him…
Oh, how blind had been eyes!
How weak my conduct!
My eyes were covered and closed: filthy darkness seemed to swim around me, and reflection came in as black and confused and flow. Self-abandoned, relaxed and effortless, I seemed to have laid me down in the bed of a great river. I heard a flood loosened in remote mountains and I felt the torrent come; to rise I had no will, to flee I had no strength… I lay faint, longing to be dead. One idea still throbbed life-like within me- a remembrance of God: It began an unuttered prayer: these words went wandering up and down in my rayless mind, as something that should be whispered, but no energy was found to express them…
Be not far from me, for trouble is near: there is no one to help…” It was near, and as I lifted my petition to Heaven to avercit- as I had neither joined my hands, nor bent my knees, nor moved my lips- It came: in full heavy swing the torrent poured over me. The whole consciousness of my life being torn, my love lost, my hope quenched, my faith death struck, swayed full and mighty above me in one go. That bitter hour cannot be described: In truth,
“The waters came into my soul; I sank in deep mine: I felt no standing; I came into deep waters; the flood overflowed me…”
-SN

Feelings 🙁🖤

I know I’ve been a little distant lately
Been trying to figure things out in my life
Negative thoughts in mind
Been a little bit crazy
Trying to find a place to let it out right

It’s a cold world and I’m tired of bull
A lot of ups and downs
A lot of pushing and pull
Reality hits, pressure pain walk
Hand in hand
Still, getting used to this …

I would never wanna put the weight
Of my world on you!
But stress got me feeling really out of place
Life moves a little faster than we anticipate
And I’m having trouble controlling the pace
You the only real thing in this world
I love you and you know it
I appreciate you and I hope you know
I’m always trying to find ways to show it

No matter what I will be going through
You bring back to senses the way
You put words together and though
I don’t mention this side of myself too much
I don’t need to cuz You know me better
Lose faith in me never
Know that I’m a go get it
When I say I’ll get it
Yeah I mean every letter
Promises were made and I intend to keep them
Today may be born later but I’ll bounce back
Harder than ever

Cause the right time can lead to a lifetime
Vivid pictures of living making killing
With you by my side
You help me stay true to myself
What u provide could never
Amount to any wealth
This could be the most real verses I wrote
In my dark days boy it’s you
That shows me hope
They say the sun don’t shine forever
But through any weather, we’ll make it
As long as we make it together
Ain’t nothing better…

-SN❤️

The Journey Begins

‌”Days pass by somehow
But nights now are a wagon of pain….
Injuries may heal with time
But marks will always remain…
Restless on my comfortable bed,
I toss&turn and try to sleep…
But thoughts are bulking my head & have formed a huge heap
The part is flashing it’s scorching light beams,
Tearing me apart breaking me at the seams…
The darkness of my life is more visible in the dark,
And now I am trying to give it a voice,
Trying to speak my heart:”
Now I realized that “sometimes truth is what we’re hiding… But lesser do we know that sometimes truth is what we run from!!!”
The truth is:
“A girl who smiles all the time to show the world that she’s fine…
A boy who surrounds himself with friends wishes that his life would end….”💔💔💔
This is for those who say they never knew…
The saddest leave the least of clue!!!
😟😞😭😭😖
-SN